Are You Living a Fear of Abandonment and Borderline Personality Disorder?

The fear of abandonment is one of the biggest and most common issues a Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) sufferer has to deal with constantly.

Even in mild borderline patients this abandonment fear is a common thing.

Some sufferers may feel overwhelmed and discouraged by this unrelenting sensation of fear which can make one feel like he or she lives in a hellhole where nobody gives their attention and understanding. This is the reason why most of the borderline sufferers engage in impulsive and self-harming behaviors to, on the one hand make them feel something, and on the other hand to try to get others' attention and support.

These are common issues in borderline patients and there are many people who have to face them all around the world despite the appearance of rarity of this disorder.

Specific environmental factors were found to be responsible for the occurrence of borderline personality, which consists of abuses (sexual, physical, or emotional), neglect, coldness, lack of communication and empathy, emotional blackmail, especially from parents but also from peers and friends in one's childhood or adolescence. This fear of abandonment can be triggered by these negative parental attitudes, sometimes doubled by fear of punishment, neglect, or the fear of intentional wrongdoing from others directed to him or her.

Quite often borderline people have dependent attitudes and behaviors toward others, but this fear of abandonment can sometimes lead one to do certain things which will repel the family members or friends at the smallest interpretation of their desertion.

There is a higher vulnerability in women to develop borderline personality most likely as a consequence of their more sensitive nature, and also as a result of their fragile physic which is easier to be exploited by abusive parents or peers.

Also a mild inability to modulate emotions and behaviors can be found, which leads to fast mood shifts and impulsive behavior.

The good news is that there are new scientific discoveries and new therapies which can help BPD sufferers to gain back their happiness and balance. These therapies are efficient if the patient is dedicated and perseverant in applying the knowledge and strategies in his or her every day life to get over borderline personality and the fear of abandonment. These changes are possible and your gain in personal satisfaction will be tremendous and your family members and your friends will seek your company more often as well.

Borderline Personality abandonment fear can be treated successfully thanks to new efficient psychological intervention protocols. Educating yourself about these psychotherapies is the first step toward your total recovery.

And the most important think I can leave you with is that BPD can be treated.

By the way, do you want to find out more about Borderline Personality Disorder, like symptoms, causes, prevalence, associated disorders, treatment options, as well as tips and techniques you can use immediately?

If so, download my free ebook "Surviving The Hellhole - Borderline Personality Disorder Facts and Treatment Options": TheBorderlineTreatment.com.

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Abandonment Issues for Dissociative Trauma Survivors with DID/MPD or Borderline Personality Disorder

Abandonment is such a tender issue for trauma survivors. Most survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID/MPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) have had more than their fair share of genuine abandonment instances.

For severe trauma survivors, abandonment would have been experienced over and over in various situations:

Each time your parents or caregivers turned a blind eye to the sexual abuse or physical abuse that was occurring to you right there in your own household
Each time your parents or caregivers abandoned their role of safety and became the perpetrator of your abuse
Each time your parents or caregivers ignored your physical needs, leaving you to be hungry, cold, unkempt, improperly dressed, neglected in any way
Each time your parents or caregivers handed you over to someone else that was physically or sexually abusing you
Each time your parents or caregivers left you alone for extended periods of time, leaving you to tend to your own care when you were too young to be taking care of yourself by yourself
Each time your parents or caregivers refused to give you proper medical attention or medical treatment
Each time your parents or caregivers ignored your pleas or cries for help, turning a deaf ear, and leaving you to deal with your crisis without their assistance

For survivors with DID, these kinds of instances of abandonment happened on a frequent basis. All too many survivors were abandoned on a weekly basis, and for some people, on a daily basis.

How does this kind of abandonment affect people?

Excessive, repeated, severe abandonment teaches survivors to not trust. It teaches that other people cannot be counted on. It teaches them that they are alone in the world. It makes them believe that no one will help, or no one will be there for them.

What's worse, it gives deeper emotional messages to the survivors, drilling in feelings about worthlessness, unworthiness, unimportance, having no value, being bad, being stupid, being invisible. It eliminates and destroys any self-esteem the survivor could develop.

It creates a deep-seated anger, an ongoing emptiness, a constant sense of isolation.

It scars the heart and pierces the soul.

How can survivors of extreme abandonment recover from such emotional wounding?

First of all, to heal from extreme abandonment, it is important to realize and understand that your parents and caregivers were truly in the wrong for neglecting your needs. When parents and caregivers make such huge mistake in their roles of tending to children, the mistake belongs to them. It is not a message about the child, it is a message about the parent.

Parents are wrong, sometimes criminally wrong, legally wrong, in some of their abandoning behaviors. Do not assume that your parents were "right" in their abandoning behaviors. They were very likely doing something wrong.

Once a survivor truly hears and understands the fact that their parents and caregivers are responsible for the improper treatment of a child, then that survivor can begin their own path for healing.

But healing from abandonment is not easy. The wounds went deep into your core existence, and overcoming that level of emotional wounding takes a lot of time and repeated effort.

Some of the steps involved in healing from abandonment are:


Remembering again and again that the abandonment was not your fault
Remembering again and again that you are not a bad person because your parents or caregivers committed crimes against you
Learning that while some people are criminals, not all people are criminals, meaning, while your parents were willing to abandon you to such a huge degree, not all people will act in the same manner
Learning to trust again, ever so slowly, little bit by bit. Dare to try. Dare to reach out. Dare to build relationships.
Finding people, even if only one or two, that you can build meaningful relationships with
Being a trustworthy, reliable person so that other people will develop trust in you
Addressing your anger issues at the true offenders of your pain. If you go "on the attack" to people that make small errors in your relationship (while refusing to address your feeling at your parents or caregivers who committed grave errors), then you will find yourself alone time and time again. Work hard at showing the appropriate amount of anger equal to the level of the mistake. Going overboard at people in the current day will not be helpful.
Working really really hard at separating the issues that belong to people in your past versus attributing your pain to people in your current day world
Develop relationships with pets or animals if you are too scared to trust people. Building connections with another living being, where you each rely on each other, is a great starting place
Remembering and realizing that safe people will come back to you time and time again, unless you do something to push them away over and over again. You can keep good people in your life if you want to.
Finding little treasures / trinkets / small reminders of people to help you maintain that sense of object permanence. Out of sight does not mean that they are gone from your life.
Working on extended your comfort zone in terms of how often you need to hear from someone in order to feel secure in that relationship. Repeated contact, vs. excessive contact, is an acceptable way to maintain relationships.
Finding safe but creative ways of building relationships. For example, if you are afraid to meet with people face-to-face, build online relationships. Use an online therapist or an online support group as a starting place. Connect through blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc.

Abandonment is painful, but it is still possible to build positive and healthy relationships with other people. It will take consistent work on your part to overcome the negative, damaging teachings given to you by neglectful parents and poor caregivers, but you can do it.

Unless you really want to be alone, you don't have to be left alone anymore.

Kathy Broady, LCSW
Clinical Director
http://www.AbuseConsultants.com
http://www.SurvivorForum.com

About the author: Kathy Broady has worked with adults, teenagers, and children with emotional pain and survivors of trauma and abuse for over 20 years. Her specialties are with trauma, dissociative disorders, severe sexual abuse, depression, bipolar, PTSD, anxiety, and self-injury. Individual and group sessions are available both online and in-person. Yes, online therapy has many benefits and is a creative solution for many therapeutic needs! With competence, gentle compassion, patience, and understanding, she can assist you with your healing journey. I assure you, her understanding of complex family dynamics and abuse issues far exceeds the norm.

Check out Kathy Broady's WordPress blogs: Discussing Dissociation and Protective Parenting.

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Find Out The Causes Of Borderline Personality Disorder Abandonment

Is Borderline Personality Disorder Abandonment a mystery to you and trying to understand its causing factors?

To begin with, BPD is a mental disorder which means that it is determined by the unhelpful ways we see and interpret ourselves and others.

And much of these perception patterns are learned from significant other persons like our parents, caregivers, teachers, lovers, friends, or superiors.

We are mostly unaware of these perception patterns because we learn them unconsciously from others.

This also means by the way that they can be replaced through the same process of learning and habit creation.

Now let's move on to the causing reasons of borderline personality disorder abandonment.

In BPD, probably the most central motive concerning its causes is represented by certain invalidating early life encounters.

When we born we come to this world with a few basic emotional and mental needs which nature made us to rely on our parents or caregivers to be fulfilled.

Such needs are care, love, affection, respect, and bonding.

Now not all of us were born in ideal families, so when these needs are not met for long time periods, the child concludes unconsciously that he or she is an unworthy person and it is very possible for others to act the same way with him as his/her parents or caregivers.

Leading to the feeling of abandonment, which is actually an abandonment of his/her emotional and mental needs.

So since this abandonment appeared in a relationship with significant people, it will manifest when relating and interacting with other significant ones.

For example, a BPD with abandonment fear will be needy and submissive in one moment, than furious, abusive, and rejecting the next.

Why someone who is afraid of being abandoned will behave in ways that will make others do just that?

The reason is that BPDs are extremely sensitive to any little things, acts, and cues that may indicate abandonment from others. So when in the sufferer's mind this becomes a certainty, even if in reality it isn't, they are facts which confirm his/her reasons to be afraid of being abandoned.

Which is unbearable, thus the quick mood shifts and impulsive behaviors.

Since usually the conclusion of abandonment is not sustained in reality, it means that the tendency to draw such conclusions is acquired through learning. And it can be replaced with new healthy and helpful tendencies through learning and repetition.

As an example, next time when you will perceive abandonment or punishment from a dear person of yours, wait for a moment and try analyzing if your conclusion is sustained in the outside reality. You will most probably discover that the other one was trying to make a point or to discuss something with you.

Learn to see things from others' perspective as well and you will soon discover that not everyone is trying to harm you.

By the way, if you want to find out more about BPD and its treatment options, I recently wrote an eBook I want you to have for free. Click here for download: "Surviving The Borderline Hellhole".

And if you want to learn more about BPD, go here: Borderline Personality Disorder Abandonment!

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Are You Living a Fear of Abandonment and Borderline Personality Disorder?

The fear of abandonment is one of the biggest and most common issues a Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) sufferer has to deal with constantly.

Even in mild borderline patients this abandonment fear is a common thing.

Some sufferers may feel overwhelmed and discouraged by this unrelenting sensation of fear which can make one feel like he or she lives in a hellhole where nobody gives their attention and understanding. This is the reason why most of the borderline sufferers engage in impulsive and self-harming behaviors to, on the one hand make them feel something, and on the other hand to try to get others' attention and support.

These are common issues in borderline patients and there are many people who have to face them all around the world despite the appearance of rarity of this disorder.

Specific environmental factors were found to be responsible for the occurrence of borderline personality, which consists of abuses (sexual, physical, or emotional), neglect, coldness, lack of communication and empathy, emotional blackmail, especially from parents but also from peers and friends in one's childhood or adolescence. This fear of abandonment can be triggered by these negative parental attitudes, sometimes doubled by fear of punishment, neglect, or the fear of intentional wrongdoing from others directed to him or her.

Quite often borderline people have dependent attitudes and behaviors toward others, but this fear of abandonment can sometimes lead one to do certain things which will repel the family members or friends at the smallest interpretation of their desertion.

There is a higher vulnerability in women to develop borderline personality most likely as a consequence of their more sensitive nature, and also as a result of their fragile physic which is easier to be exploited by abusive parents or peers.

Also a mild inability to modulate emotions and behaviors can be found, which leads to fast mood shifts and impulsive behavior.

The good news is that there are new scientific discoveries and new therapies which can help BPD sufferers to gain back their happiness and balance. These therapies are efficient if the patient is dedicated and perseverant in applying the knowledge and strategies in his or her every day life to get over borderline personality and the fear of abandonment. These changes are possible and your gain in personal satisfaction will be tremendous and your family members and your friends will seek your company more often as well.

Borderline Personality abandonment fear can be treated successfully thanks to new efficient psychological intervention protocols. Educating yourself about these psychotherapies is the first step toward your total recovery.

And the most important think I can leave you with is that BPD can be treated.

By the way, do you want to find out more about Borderline Personality Disorder, like symptoms, causes, prevalence, associated disorders, treatment options, as well as tips and techniques you can use immediately?

If so, download my free ebook "Surviving The Hellhole - Borderline Personality Disorder Facts and Treatment Options": TheBorderlineTreatment.com.

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Find Out The Causes Of Borderline Personality Disorder Abandonment

Is Borderline Personality Disorder Abandonment a mystery to you and trying to understand its causing factors?

To begin with, BPD is a mental disorder which means that it is determined by the unhelpful ways we see and interpret ourselves and others.

And much of these perception patterns are learned from significant other persons like our parents, caregivers, teachers, lovers, friends, or superiors.

We are mostly unaware of these perception patterns because we learn them unconsciously from others.

This also means by the way that they can be replaced through the same process of learning and habit creation.

Now let's move on to the causing reasons of borderline personality disorder abandonment.

In BPD, probably the most central motive concerning its causes is represented by certain invalidating early life encounters.

When we born we come to this world with a few basic emotional and mental needs which nature made us to rely on our parents or caregivers to be fulfilled.

Such needs are care, love, affection, respect, and bonding.

Now not all of us were born in ideal families, so when these needs are not met for long time periods, the child concludes unconsciously that he or she is an unworthy person and it is very possible for others to act the same way with him as his/her parents or caregivers.

Leading to the feeling of abandonment, which is actually an abandonment of his/her emotional and mental needs.

So since this abandonment appeared in a relationship with significant people, it will manifest when relating and interacting with other significant ones.

For example, a BPD with abandonment fear will be needy and submissive in one moment, than furious, abusive, and rejecting the next.

Why someone who is afraid of being abandoned will behave in ways that will make others do just that?

The reason is that BPDs are extremely sensitive to any little things, acts, and cues that may indicate abandonment from others. So when in the sufferer's mind this becomes a certainty, even if in reality it isn't, they are facts which confirm his/her reasons to be afraid of being abandoned.

Which is unbearable, thus the quick mood shifts and impulsive behaviors.

Since usually the conclusion of abandonment is not sustained in reality, it means that the tendency to draw such conclusions is acquired through learning. And it can be replaced with new healthy and helpful tendencies through learning and repetition.

As an example, next time when you will perceive abandonment or punishment from a dear person of yours, wait for a moment and try analyzing if your conclusion is sustained in the outside reality. You will most probably discover that the other one was trying to make a point or to discuss something with you.

Learn to see things from others' perspective as well and you will soon discover that not everyone is trying to harm you.

By the way, if you want to find out more about BPD and its treatment options, I recently wrote an eBook I want you to have for free. Click here for download: "Surviving The Borderline Hellhole".

And if you want to learn more about BPD, go here: Borderline Personality Disorder Abandonment!

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Abandonment Issues for Dissociative Trauma Survivors with DID/MPD or Borderline Personality Disorder

Abandonment is such a tender issue for trauma survivors. Most survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID/MPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) have had more than their fair share of genuine abandonment instances.

For severe trauma survivors, abandonment would have been experienced over and over in various situations:

Each time your parents or caregivers turned a blind eye to the sexual abuse or physical abuse that was occurring to you right there in your own household
Each time your parents or caregivers abandoned their role of safety and became the perpetrator of your abuse
Each time your parents or caregivers ignored your physical needs, leaving you to be hungry, cold, unkempt, improperly dressed, neglected in any way
Each time your parents or caregivers handed you over to someone else that was physically or sexually abusing you
Each time your parents or caregivers left you alone for extended periods of time, leaving you to tend to your own care when you were too young to be taking care of yourself by yourself
Each time your parents or caregivers refused to give you proper medical attention or medical treatment
Each time your parents or caregivers ignored your pleas or cries for help, turning a deaf ear, and leaving you to deal with your crisis without their assistance

For survivors with DID, these kinds of instances of abandonment happened on a frequent basis. All too many survivors were abandoned on a weekly basis, and for some people, on a daily basis.

How does this kind of abandonment affect people?

Excessive, repeated, severe abandonment teaches survivors to not trust. It teaches that other people cannot be counted on. It teaches them that they are alone in the world. It makes them believe that no one will help, or no one will be there for them.

What's worse, it gives deeper emotional messages to the survivors, drilling in feelings about worthlessness, unworthiness, unimportance, having no value, being bad, being stupid, being invisible. It eliminates and destroys any self-esteem the survivor could develop.

It creates a deep-seated anger, an ongoing emptiness, a constant sense of isolation.

It scars the heart and pierces the soul.

How can survivors of extreme abandonment recover from such emotional wounding?

First of all, to heal from extreme abandonment, it is important to realize and understand that your parents and caregivers were truly in the wrong for neglecting your needs. When parents and caregivers make such huge mistake in their roles of tending to children, the mistake belongs to them. It is not a message about the child, it is a message about the parent.

Parents are wrong, sometimes criminally wrong, legally wrong, in some of their abandoning behaviors. Do not assume that your parents were "right" in their abandoning behaviors. They were very likely doing something wrong.

Once a survivor truly hears and understands the fact that their parents and caregivers are responsible for the improper treatment of a child, then that survivor can begin their own path for healing.

But healing from abandonment is not easy. The wounds went deep into your core existence, and overcoming that level of emotional wounding takes a lot of time and repeated effort.

Some of the steps involved in healing from abandonment are:


Remembering again and again that the abandonment was not your fault
Remembering again and again that you are not a bad person because your parents or caregivers committed crimes against you
Learning that while some people are criminals, not all people are criminals, meaning, while your parents were willing to abandon you to such a huge degree, not all people will act in the same manner
Learning to trust again, ever so slowly, little bit by bit. Dare to try. Dare to reach out. Dare to build relationships.
Finding people, even if only one or two, that you can build meaningful relationships with
Being a trustworthy, reliable person so that other people will develop trust in you
Addressing your anger issues at the true offenders of your pain. If you go "on the attack" to people that make small errors in your relationship (while refusing to address your feeling at your parents or caregivers who committed grave errors), then you will find yourself alone time and time again. Work hard at showing the appropriate amount of anger equal to the level of the mistake. Going overboard at people in the current day will not be helpful.
Working really really hard at separating the issues that belong to people in your past versus attributing your pain to people in your current day world
Develop relationships with pets or animals if you are too scared to trust people. Building connections with another living being, where you each rely on each other, is a great starting place
Remembering and realizing that safe people will come back to you time and time again, unless you do something to push them away over and over again. You can keep good people in your life if you want to.
Finding little treasures / trinkets / small reminders of people to help you maintain that sense of object permanence. Out of sight does not mean that they are gone from your life.
Working on extended your comfort zone in terms of how often you need to hear from someone in order to feel secure in that relationship. Repeated contact, vs. excessive contact, is an acceptable way to maintain relationships.
Finding safe but creative ways of building relationships. For example, if you are afraid to meet with people face-to-face, build online relationships. Use an online therapist or an online support group as a starting place. Connect through blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc.

Abandonment is painful, but it is still possible to build positive and healthy relationships with other people. It will take consistent work on your part to overcome the negative, damaging teachings given to you by neglectful parents and poor caregivers, but you can do it.

Unless you really want to be alone, you don't have to be left alone anymore.

Kathy Broady, LCSW
Clinical Director
http://www.AbuseConsultants.com
http://www.SurvivorForum.com

About the author: Kathy Broady has worked with adults, teenagers, and children with emotional pain and survivors of trauma and abuse for over 20 years. Her specialties are with trauma, dissociative disorders, severe sexual abuse, depression, bipolar, PTSD, anxiety, and self-injury. Individual and group sessions are available both online and in-person. Yes, online therapy has many benefits and is a creative solution for many therapeutic needs! With competence, gentle compassion, patience, and understanding, she can assist you with your healing journey. I assure you, her understanding of complex family dynamics and abuse issues far exceeds the norm.

Check out Kathy Broady's WordPress blogs: Discussing Dissociation and Protective Parenting.

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.