Tip #1. Run! Don't be wishy washy a borderlines biggest fear is abandonment. If you decide to divorce them, do it hard and fast and never second guess the separation, never show weakness to them or that you may take them back. Get in the wind, and get away from their abuse.
Tip #2 if they are being nice, watch out. A Borderline is always nice when they are preparing to strike. Be careful if they are nice they are in a position of weakness and you are winning, stay focused on your divorce don't fall for their tricks.
Tip #3. Don't be alone with them, BPD's are well know for pressing false charges of sexual abuse. Never put yourself in a situation to be arrested for rape. Always assume the worst, sadly with a borderline personality the worst usually happens.
Tip #4. Be prepared to have your children brainwashed. Stay clam when your children tell you all the horrible things your borderline ex says about you. Just change the subject and don't say anything bad about your ex to your kids.
Tip #5. Use your attorney as much as you can afford. BPD's are pathological liars the more you can use your attorney to add a buffer, the better. They will get caught in their lies. Try to communicate via email rather than phone calls, this keeps things calm and forces them to put their lies in writing you can keep for proof.
Tip #6. Rules, rules, rules. Rules and structure is like kryptonite to a BPD. Be anal with the rules and don't bend to accommodate the BPD. If you have kids they will always have an excuse as to why they can't watch the child. Always take your child when they flake, keep a calendar, be nice and say "no problem". Never give them your parenting time in exchange. Show your child that the BPD is unreliable by their own actions. Be a rock for your child, remember they are forced to have the BPD in their life so be emphatic. They have it much worse than you do.
Tip #7. Don't be overrun. Probably just like when you were married the BPD will always have several 5 alarm fire going and they will try and bring you into the flames. Don't do it! I have found that the best method is to use email, many days, I will just let the inbox fill up for a few days then when I'm calm I read and respond with short answers like "no" when I have time. My BPD can send 20 emails in one day, if I played into her craziness I would go crazy myself.
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