People who suffer from a severe form of Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, are extraordinarily sensitive to any perceived slight or hint of rejection.
They lack insight when it comes to relationships and are unable to calm themselves when under stress. They can become enraged when they believe, often incorrectly, that someone has done them wrong.
Sadly, the individual with severe BPD is so convinced that others are about to hurt or abandon them that they are compelled to behave in ways which, paradoxically, are provocative and alienating.
In their efforts to manage what they imagine to be inevitable betrayal or abuse, they inadvertently create exactly the situations which they most dread.
Otherwise kind and even-tempered individuals can become very frustrated in the presence of an unreasonable, irrational and provocative person with BPD. They might find themselves acting in ways that are quite out of character.
The person affected with severe BPD has an uncanny knack of bringing out the worst in those that they interact with. This just reinforces their belief that most people are going to hurt or disappoint them.
Sufferers of severe BPD have a powerful need to get back at those who've been supposedly attacking, rejecting or shaming them. Paradoxically, the Borderline sufferer ends up doing all the real harm in their quest to punish the so-called offenders.
Severely-affected BPD individuals are extremely adept at causing harm to those who they believe have hurt them. The person on the receiving end of their wrath might have unknowingly played into their hand by responding in a critical or rejecting manner, but often they're innocent of any wrong-doing.
Either way, the unfortunate individual who has become the focus of the Borderline's wrath is in for a very nasty surprise. Nothing they've done could ever merit the degree of viciousness and persistence of the attack. The Borderline individual is so filled with a distorted sense of righteous indignation that they are able to pursue their cause, indefinitely.
It's a sad paradox that in order to protect ourselves against someone who suffers from severe Borderline Personality Disorder, it is often necessary to play right into their hands. This unfortunately shows them that they can keep on getting away with their terrible behavior.
The person with severe BPD is so relentless in their pursuit of "justice" against those who have offended them that their victims often become exhausted in their attempts at self-defense. The BPD sufferer will readily hire lawyers and accuse the other person of the most egregious offenses.
A normal person has no stomach for this type of conflict and is often willing to concede to the Borderline individual's unfair and inappropriate demands. They just want the nightmare to stop and the angry, irrational person to go away.
A normal person confronted with such persistent hostility will usually attempt to placate the BPD individual because they can see no end to the acrimony, otherwise. Sadly, the BPD sufferer can add this "victory" to their growing list of "wrongs" that they have "righted."
The more we placate them, the more the person suffering from severe BPD is convinced that they were right in the first place. Still, our options aren't great. If we engage with them we will exhaust ourselves, and even if we win, the cost will have been too great in terms of our wasted time, money and energy.
Whereas the BPD sufferer seems to have all the time in the world to dedicate to their vendetta, the average person would much rather go back to their nice, quiet life as quickly as possible.
Until our society is able to protect us from people with severe personality disorders and until the courts recognize and protect us from malicious prosecution, it seems like beating a hasty retreat is often our best and safest strategy.
(C) Marcia Sirota MD, 2010
Marcia Sirota MD is a psychiatrist and psychotherapist practicing in Toronto Canada. Her areas of interest include overcoming compulsive eating and other addictions, unblocking creativity and healing PTSD.
She is the founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, which is dedicated to promoting the philosophy of Ruthless Compassion.
http://www.ruthlesscompassioninstitute.com
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