Loving Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder

For most of us, narcissism is something we connect with someone who is a bit too big for their shoes, who thinks too highly of themselves and who has a more than a healthy dose of self assurance. But for anyone residing or living with a narcissist, the expression means something much more serious, and often destructive. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a psychological condition, regrettably frequently undiagnosed, but with repeatedly damaging and hurtful results.

To better understand the expression we can look to the etymology- Narcissus is a character from Ovid who falls in love with his own reflection. Eventually, not capable to reach his reflection he falls into a pool and dies, destroyed by his love of himself. If you're in love with a narcissist, who is in turn in love with themselves, you will realize that the reality of the condition isn't far from the myth.

How to Recognize a Narcissist.

There are healthy forms of narcissism, indeed many of our best leaders and public figures are borderline narcissists, believing in themselves and their abilities. If the person you love has always been confident, a high achiever who enjoys power but doesn't exploit it or others, then they are displaying the signs of healthy narcissism. They are likely to be successful in life, to be able to maintain healthy relationships with others and to generally have a positive effect on those around them. Those suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder don't fall into this category, and can be recognized by the following signs.

1) Self promotion and exaggeration of own qualities and achievements- to the point that the truth becomes distorted or an outright lie.

2) An unrealistic sense of authority over others, and an enjoyment and abuse of that authority and power.

3) An obsession with getting attention, gratification and reward from others, even if it is at the expense of someone else.

4) Fantasies of fame and notoriety.

5) Limited or no sense of guilt or responsibility in terms of actions towards others. Someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is concerned with achieving for themselves only, if someone else is hurt along the way then so be it.

6) A lack of empathy with others.

In a relationship, the person closest to the Narcissist is unfortunately the one who bears the brunt of the behaviors associated with this very real personality disorder. They may:

1) Exhibit excessive signs of possession- you exist to belong to them. This may mean that they try to limit your behavior, to put controls on who you spend your time with and what you do. What starts seeming like someone who just really loves you can soon turn into a damaging relationship.

2) Be aggressive mentally and or physically.

What to do.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a recognized condition and your loved one can be helped. Try to persuade them to speak to an expert who can start counseling to help manage and control the symptoms of their disorder. From your own point of view it is important not to let the abuse affect your view of yourself- surround yourself with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself and recognize you for the special person you are. Don't forget that your loved one's behavior is the result of a condition, and it is not your fault or your responsibility. You can help and offer support but the only person who can manage this condition is the sufferer themselves. With professional help they can come to a realization of this, and that is often the first step to recovery.

Read more here

Forstine J. Carter

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Divorcing Someone Who Suffers Borderline Personality Disorder

Some of the most emotionally abusive relationships and traumatic divorces involve the mentally ill. One of the most difficult of these mental illnesses is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) because it is not easily diagnosed. Behaviors can range from extreme violence to subtle patterns of emotional blackmail and projection. On top of that, many Borderlines tend to live in denial, constantly avoiding their own feelings of emptiness, insecurity, anger, disappointment and fear that more often than not stems from an abusive childhood. It is hard to treat and help someone if they don't want to face their own abuse - abuse that they themselves suffered or the abuse that they themselves do.

Classifying Borderlines as "Acting In" or "Acting Out"

Not all borderlines are focused on harming others. Some are so busy with their own inner demons that they are trapped in a realm of substance abuse, suicide attempts, and self-hate that for most can be traced back to child abuse or neglect. They are often known as the "acting in" type. If this is the kind of Borderline in your life, count yourself lucky. That's because they are both more likely to recognize their own problems and work on them and less likely to focus on destroying other people in a desperate attempt to portray themselves as worthy people who are victims in need of assistance.

The other group of Borderlines, sometimes called the "acting out" group, are narcissistic sociopaths with little sense of guilt or remorse. They often have little limit to what they will do to make themselves "win" and you "lose" and don't care who else they hurt in the process. If you have been in a relationship with a person suffering Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), be aware that much of what is written about "acting out" Borderlines applies equally to Narcissists.

Blaming and Projection

A relationship with someone who suffers from BPD can leave the one being abused feeling confused and hopeless as they are often blamed for all the problems in the relationships, even including things they didn't do. Often, such blaming for fictional behaviors is a form of projection used to distract from the Borderline doing the exact thing she or he is accusing the partner of doing. For instance, your Borderline significant other may be having affairs, but you can be sure you will be accused of having affairs (even if you have never had one) long before he or she will admit to one. You may find that many of your friends and family will have heard about your fictional affairs long before you even realize your significant other has been lying about you far and wide. When you try to explain what is really happening, many will refuse to believe the truth because they have heard so many lies about you they cannot imagine they are all false.

The Borderline's excessive tendency to project or transfer their own negative feelings, behaviors, or perceived negative traits onto others usually arises from their own feelings of self-hatred and self-criticism. In order to deny and escape the truth about their own private hell (usually rooted in an abusive childhood), they instead project their own feelings of self-hatred and inadequacy outside themselves onto others. This is why Borderlines will constantly criticize you, accuse you of saying or doing something you haven't done or said, and blame you for their problems and unhappiness.

Borderline projections can be very destructive and because most borderlines do not have healthy boundaries, situations can escalate and cause more unnecessary hurt and damage all the way to very serious false criminal allegations that can cost innocent people their jobs, children, and even their lives.

Divorce Can Intensify the Emotional Abuse

When you divorce someone who suffers from BPD, the emotional abuse does not necessarily end there. It can result in a high-conflict divorce costing you more than you bargained for, not just in terms of wasted money and time, but in very deep psychological wounds. The borderline ex is prone to litigate over everything and to refuse to cooperate with court orders, reasonable requests, and common sense. She or he will likely make even straightforward property settlement issues costly, dragging out the legal process by refusing or avoiding to comply with court decrees to return property, split retirement accounts, repay money owed, and more. He or she may manipulate others by crying poor, telling others that you have lots of money stashed away and have always been mean with money, when in reality they themselves have a much higher income and have more savings than you. Again, this kind of behavior is projection and also a way to humiliate and dominate you.

Another way Borderlines can mess with your mind and emotions is to try and suck you back into the marriage if it is the early stages of your divorce or separation. Be sure to set your limits and be prepared to stand your ground and stick to your boundaries. Borderline behavior will swing unpredictably, one week they may call and want to talk for hours, the next week they may block off any and all communication from you.

No doubt this will be very frustrating so it will be important that you have good legal representation - preferably an attorney who is familiar and understands what drives high-conflict divorces - and a supportive network of family and friends that you can trust. Most importantly, do your best to disengage from the situation. If you have tried every avenue to reasonably communicate with your Borderline and they continue to be unresponsive, do not persist by sending more communication thinking that they might not have received the others you sent. Otherwise the Borderline may distort the truth and accuse you of stalking and harassment.

To understand and find out more about emotionally abusive relationships and how to identify borderline traits, go to angiemedia.com.

Rob Washington is a frequent contributor to angiemedia.com's coverage on families, divorce, mental health, government, and social issues.

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

How to Survive a Divorce From Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Tip #1. Run! Don't be wishy washy a borderlines biggest fear is abandonment. If you decide to divorce them, do it hard and fast and never second guess the separation, never show weakness to them or that you may take them back. Get in the wind, and get away from their abuse.

Tip #2 if they are being nice, watch out. A Borderline is always nice when they are preparing to strike. Be careful if they are nice they are in a position of weakness and you are winning, stay focused on your divorce don't fall for their tricks.

Tip #3. Don't be alone with them, BPD's are well know for pressing false charges of sexual abuse. Never put yourself in a situation to be arrested for rape. Always assume the worst, sadly with a borderline personality the worst usually happens.

Tip #4. Be prepared to have your children brainwashed. Stay clam when your children tell you all the horrible things your borderline ex says about you. Just change the subject and don't say anything bad about your ex to your kids.

Tip #5. Use your attorney as much as you can afford. BPD's are pathological liars the more you can use your attorney to add a buffer, the better. They will get caught in their lies. Try to communicate via email rather than phone calls, this keeps things calm and forces them to put their lies in writing you can keep for proof.

Tip #6. Rules, rules, rules. Rules and structure is like kryptonite to a BPD. Be anal with the rules and don't bend to accommodate the BPD. If you have kids they will always have an excuse as to why they can't watch the child. Always take your child when they flake, keep a calendar, be nice and say "no problem". Never give them your parenting time in exchange. Show your child that the BPD is unreliable by their own actions. Be a rock for your child, remember they are forced to have the BPD in their life so be emphatic. They have it much worse than you do.

Tip #7. Don't be overrun. Probably just like when you were married the BPD will always have several 5 alarm fire going and they will try and bring you into the flames. Don't do it! I have found that the best method is to use email, many days, I will just let the inbox fill up for a few days then when I'm calm I read and respond with short answers like "no" when I have time. My BPD can send 20 emails in one day, if I played into her craziness I would go crazy myself.

If you really want to get away then find cheap flights to costa rica by going to this new website http://www.cheapflightstocostarica.net

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

How To Help Someone With Depression, Suicidal Tendencies or Borderline Personality Disorder

Mental illness is a terrible malady. Many of us don't understand this disease and don't know how to handle it. We are frightened by it, somehow believing it may be contagious. Mental health hospitals and professionals also have a formidable challenge and there aren't any certain remedies. As a result many people with this illness die every year, from being misunderstood.

Borderline personality disorder is one of the worst forms of mental illness. People with this disorder attempt suicide often. It is a disease which normally occurs from being abused as a child. It is so dreadful that many family members abandon their loved ones who have [BPD], because it is extremely stressful on them. Although it is challenging, people can help victims of [BPD] if they understand this disease better.

There are many websites offering helpful information about this serious subject. Some suggest medications, where other websites state that the only real remedy is cognitive behavioral therapy (counseling). Love and family support is likely to be the best medicine. Below are some helpful tips about caring for a person with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Validation - Very important! Ask them questions about their problems and the very real pain they suffer.
Listen - When they need to talk, sit still and really be present for them.
Empathize - Express understanding and apply effort to helping them get relief from their misery.
Love - Tell them how much you love them and Jesus truly loves them, too!
Reassurance - Tell them you won't ever leave them or, "I'll always be here for you," and mean it.
Guilt - Tell them it isn't their fault and don't blame them for their illness.
Comfort - Continue to tell them everything will get better. Say it over and over!
Suicidal - Don't ever leave a person alone who is suicidal! Treat them as a baby and get a baby sitter if you have to go elsewhere. This is crucial!
Promises - Depressed people are hypersensitive and anxious. They can't stand having to wait or being lied to. Keep your word and always be truthful with them!
Friends - Contact their friends and alert them to the problem to design a circle of love.

While I hope this information is helpful, I realize the heavy burden you may be suffering and the many challenges you face. There are no easy answers - but nothing can take the place of love and understanding.

Dale Adams of Adams LLC is the author and self publisher of the new book, "Care Giving Made Easy - How to be an Awesome Caregiver" and the inventor of the Inspirational Walker Bag a walker bag with inspirational quotes for seniors and the, "Money Saving Calendar," a new information vehicle that informs consumers how to save and make money every month of the year. His many experiences include being a Security Consultant, General Contractor and Energy Conservation Specialist. To learn more valuable money saving information visit: [ http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1552819435 ]

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Are You Living With Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder and Trying to Find Answers?

If you are Living with Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder it means that most probably you found this article because you were looking for answers for the difficulties and challenges in your relationship.

Before getting into the answers, there are a few things you need to know about this mental disorder. They will help you implement better the tips presented in the second part of this article.

Borderline personality is famous for its characteristic fear of abandonment. This fear stems from invalidating and abusive relationships with the parents in childhood or adolescence.

In the first years of life we humans rely on attention, love, and affection from our parents or caregivers. So when we get instead invalidating and offending behaviors, children tend to interpret these as signs of abandonment or punishment.

Consequently if such negative behaviors keep coming from the parents, the child will also tend to think that he/she is the cause of these parental attitudes. Moreover, in the subconscious will emerge central self-downing and self-deprecating beliefs, which will become eventually parts of one's personality if changes don't occur meanwhile.

Also, if these core attitudes are coupled with other similar ones, they will elicit symptoms and behaviors specific for borderline personality disorder.

This fear of abandonment can manifest not only as a simple fear, but also as a phobia or even horror.

So when living with someone with borderline personality disorder, the non partner could face a constant demand for love, affection, understanding, and reassurance.

Those behaviors and attitudes of the parents which lead to the abandonment fear in the child are usually coming unexpectedly, which will lead the child to think that abandonment can possibly come at any time, even when everything seemed to be OK one moment ago.

Therefore what you would like to do is to give your dear one the needed validation and love, and ALSO mention that your feelings will be the same even though you will not be able to show them for various reasons, like job or other daily responsibilities.

Stating these things this way will send the message that your dear person can be sure about your feelings regardless you are able to show them or not given the circumstances.

When living with someone with borderline personality disorder, this way of manifesting your feelings will help your dear one regain his/her inner balance, and will also give a positive impulse to your relationship.

People who suffer from borderline personality are also known for their quick emotional shifts, from seeming calmness into anger episodes and manipulation. Some might see these as acts of selfishness or narcissism, but in reality they are desperate attempts for regaining validation, love, and understanding.

What you would like to do in such situation is, instead of giving in, to remain calm and collected, to restate your feelings and dismiss the negative behaviors of the person you care for on a calm and firm voice.

Using this strategy you'll not only remind your loved one that your feelings didn't change at all in spite of his/her conduct, but you will also give a negative feedback to the unwanted behaviors without being perceived as accusing.

If this will not work at the first time, don't worry and stick to it. This strategy speaks directly to the deepest needs of the borderline sufferer, so results should come up after not too long.

By the way, I have an eBook for you if you want to learn more about what you need to do when living with someone with borderline personality disorder. It is called "Surviving The Hellhole" and I want you to have it for free!

Living With Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder: http://www.theborderlinetreatment.com/living-with-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder/.

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Loving Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder

For most of us, narcissism is something we connect with someone who is a bit too big for their shoes, who thinks too highly of themselves and who has a more than a healthy dose of self assurance. But for anyone residing or living with a narcissist, the expression means something much more serious, and often destructive. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a psychological condition, regrettably frequently undiagnosed, but with repeatedly damaging and hurtful results.

To better understand the expression we can look to the etymology- Narcissus is a character from Ovid who falls in love with his own reflection. Eventually, not capable to reach his reflection he falls into a pool and dies, destroyed by his love of himself. If you're in love with a narcissist, who is in turn in love with themselves, you will realize that the reality of the condition isn't far from the myth.

How to Recognize a Narcissist.

There are healthy forms of narcissism, indeed many of our best leaders and public figures are borderline narcissists, believing in themselves and their abilities. If the person you love has always been confident, a high achiever who enjoys power but doesn't exploit it or others, then they are displaying the signs of healthy narcissism. They are likely to be successful in life, to be able to maintain healthy relationships with others and to generally have a positive effect on those around them. Those suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder don't fall into this category, and can be recognized by the following signs.

1) Self promotion and exaggeration of own qualities and achievements- to the point that the truth becomes distorted or an outright lie.

2) An unrealistic sense of authority over others, and an enjoyment and abuse of that authority and power.

3) An obsession with getting attention, gratification and reward from others, even if it is at the expense of someone else.

4) Fantasies of fame and notoriety.

5) Limited or no sense of guilt or responsibility in terms of actions towards others. Someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is concerned with achieving for themselves only, if someone else is hurt along the way then so be it.

6) A lack of empathy with others.

In a relationship, the person closest to the Narcissist is unfortunately the one who bears the brunt of the behaviors associated with this very real personality disorder. They may:

1) Exhibit excessive signs of possession- you exist to belong to them. This may mean that they try to limit your behavior, to put controls on who you spend your time with and what you do. What starts seeming like someone who just really loves you can soon turn into a damaging relationship.

2) Be aggressive mentally and or physically.

What to do.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a recognized condition and your loved one can be helped. Try to persuade them to speak to an expert who can start counseling to help manage and control the symptoms of their disorder. From your own point of view it is important not to let the abuse affect your view of yourself- surround yourself with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself and recognize you for the special person you are. Don't forget that your loved one's behavior is the result of a condition, and it is not your fault or your responsibility. You can help and offer support but the only person who can manage this condition is the sufferer themselves. With professional help they can come to a realization of this, and that is often the first step to recovery.

Read more here

Forstine J. Carter

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Divorcing Someone Who Suffers Borderline Personality Disorder

Some of the most emotionally abusive relationships and traumatic divorces involve the mentally ill. One of the most difficult of these mental illnesses is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) because it is not easily diagnosed. Behaviors can range from extreme violence to subtle patterns of emotional blackmail and projection. On top of that, many Borderlines tend to live in denial, constantly avoiding their own feelings of emptiness, insecurity, anger, disappointment and fear that more often than not stems from an abusive childhood. It is hard to treat and help someone if they don't want to face their own abuse - abuse that they themselves suffered or the abuse that they themselves do.

Classifying Borderlines as "Acting In" or "Acting Out"

Not all borderlines are focused on harming others. Some are so busy with their own inner demons that they are trapped in a realm of substance abuse, suicide attempts, and self-hate that for most can be traced back to child abuse or neglect. They are often known as the "acting in" type. If this is the kind of Borderline in your life, count yourself lucky. That's because they are both more likely to recognize their own problems and work on them and less likely to focus on destroying other people in a desperate attempt to portray themselves as worthy people who are victims in need of assistance.

The other group of Borderlines, sometimes called the "acting out" group, are narcissistic sociopaths with little sense of guilt or remorse. They often have little limit to what they will do to make themselves "win" and you "lose" and don't care who else they hurt in the process. If you have been in a relationship with a person suffering Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), be aware that much of what is written about "acting out" Borderlines applies equally to Narcissists.

Blaming and Projection

A relationship with someone who suffers from BPD can leave the one being abused feeling confused and hopeless as they are often blamed for all the problems in the relationships, even including things they didn't do. Often, such blaming for fictional behaviors is a form of projection used to distract from the Borderline doing the exact thing she or he is accusing the partner of doing. For instance, your Borderline significant other may be having affairs, but you can be sure you will be accused of having affairs (even if you have never had one) long before he or she will admit to one. You may find that many of your friends and family will have heard about your fictional affairs long before you even realize your significant other has been lying about you far and wide. When you try to explain what is really happening, many will refuse to believe the truth because they have heard so many lies about you they cannot imagine they are all false.

The Borderline's excessive tendency to project or transfer their own negative feelings, behaviors, or perceived negative traits onto others usually arises from their own feelings of self-hatred and self-criticism. In order to deny and escape the truth about their own private hell (usually rooted in an abusive childhood), they instead project their own feelings of self-hatred and inadequacy outside themselves onto others. This is why Borderlines will constantly criticize you, accuse you of saying or doing something you haven't done or said, and blame you for their problems and unhappiness.

Borderline projections can be very destructive and because most borderlines do not have healthy boundaries, situations can escalate and cause more unnecessary hurt and damage all the way to very serious false criminal allegations that can cost innocent people their jobs, children, and even their lives.

Divorce Can Intensify the Emotional Abuse

When you divorce someone who suffers from BPD, the emotional abuse does not necessarily end there. It can result in a high-conflict divorce costing you more than you bargained for, not just in terms of wasted money and time, but in very deep psychological wounds. The borderline ex is prone to litigate over everything and to refuse to cooperate with court orders, reasonable requests, and common sense. She or he will likely make even straightforward property settlement issues costly, dragging out the legal process by refusing or avoiding to comply with court decrees to return property, split retirement accounts, repay money owed, and more. He or she may manipulate others by crying poor, telling others that you have lots of money stashed away and have always been mean with money, when in reality they themselves have a much higher income and have more savings than you. Again, this kind of behavior is projection and also a way to humiliate and dominate you.

Another way Borderlines can mess with your mind and emotions is to try and suck you back into the marriage if it is the early stages of your divorce or separation. Be sure to set your limits and be prepared to stand your ground and stick to your boundaries. Borderline behavior will swing unpredictably, one week they may call and want to talk for hours, the next week they may block off any and all communication from you.

No doubt this will be very frustrating so it will be important that you have good legal representation - preferably an attorney who is familiar and understands what drives high-conflict divorces - and a supportive network of family and friends that you can trust. Most importantly, do your best to disengage from the situation. If you have tried every avenue to reasonably communicate with your Borderline and they continue to be unresponsive, do not persist by sending more communication thinking that they might not have received the others you sent. Otherwise the Borderline may distort the truth and accuse you of stalking and harassment.

To understand and find out more about emotionally abusive relationships and how to identify borderline traits, go to angiemedia.com.

Rob Washington is a frequent contributor to angiemedia.com's coverage on families, divorce, mental health, government, and social issues.

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

How To Help Someone With Depression, Suicidal Tendencies or Borderline Personality Disorder

Mental illness is a terrible malady. Many of us don't understand this disease and don't know how to handle it. We are frightened by it, somehow believing it may be contagious. Mental health hospitals and professionals also have a formidable challenge and there aren't any certain remedies. As a result many people with this illness die every year, from being misunderstood.

Borderline personality disorder is one of the worst forms of mental illness. People with this disorder attempt suicide often. It is a disease which normally occurs from being abused as a child. It is so dreadful that many family members abandon their loved ones who have [BPD], because it is extremely stressful on them. Although it is challenging, people can help victims of [BPD] if they understand this disease better.

There are many websites offering helpful information about this serious subject. Some suggest medications, where other websites state that the only real remedy is cognitive behavioral therapy (counseling). Love and family support is likely to be the best medicine. Below are some helpful tips about caring for a person with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Validation - Very important! Ask them questions about their problems and the very real pain they suffer.
Listen - When they need to talk, sit still and really be present for them.
Empathize - Express understanding and apply effort to helping them get relief from their misery.
Love - Tell them how much you love them and Jesus truly loves them, too!
Reassurance - Tell them you won't ever leave them or, "I'll always be here for you," and mean it.
Guilt - Tell them it isn't their fault and don't blame them for their illness.
Comfort - Continue to tell them everything will get better. Say it over and over!
Suicidal - Don't ever leave a person alone who is suicidal! Treat them as a baby and get a baby sitter if you have to go elsewhere. This is crucial!
Promises - Depressed people are hypersensitive and anxious. They can't stand having to wait or being lied to. Keep your word and always be truthful with them!
Friends - Contact their friends and alert them to the problem to design a circle of love.

While I hope this information is helpful, I realize the heavy burden you may be suffering and the many challenges you face. There are no easy answers - but nothing can take the place of love and understanding.

Dale Adams of Adams LLC is the author and self publisher of the new book, "Care Giving Made Easy - How to be an Awesome Caregiver" and the inventor of the Inspirational Walker Bag a walker bag with inspirational quotes for seniors and the, "Money Saving Calendar," a new information vehicle that informs consumers how to save and make money every month of the year. His many experiences include being a Security Consultant, General Contractor and Energy Conservation Specialist. To learn more valuable money saving information visit: [ http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1552819435 ]

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Are You Living With Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder and Trying to Find Answers?

If you are Living with Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder it means that most probably you found this article because you were looking for answers for the difficulties and challenges in your relationship.

Before getting into the answers, there are a few things you need to know about this mental disorder. They will help you implement better the tips presented in the second part of this article.

Borderline personality is famous for its characteristic fear of abandonment. This fear stems from invalidating and abusive relationships with the parents in childhood or adolescence.

In the first years of life we humans rely on attention, love, and affection from our parents or caregivers. So when we get instead invalidating and offending behaviors, children tend to interpret these as signs of abandonment or punishment.

Consequently if such negative behaviors keep coming from the parents, the child will also tend to think that he/she is the cause of these parental attitudes. Moreover, in the subconscious will emerge central self-downing and self-deprecating beliefs, which will become eventually parts of one's personality if changes don't occur meanwhile.

Also, if these core attitudes are coupled with other similar ones, they will elicit symptoms and behaviors specific for borderline personality disorder.

This fear of abandonment can manifest not only as a simple fear, but also as a phobia or even horror.

So when living with someone with borderline personality disorder, the non partner could face a constant demand for love, affection, understanding, and reassurance.

Those behaviors and attitudes of the parents which lead to the abandonment fear in the child are usually coming unexpectedly, which will lead the child to think that abandonment can possibly come at any time, even when everything seemed to be OK one moment ago.

Therefore what you would like to do is to give your dear one the needed validation and love, and ALSO mention that your feelings will be the same even though you will not be able to show them for various reasons, like job or other daily responsibilities.

Stating these things this way will send the message that your dear person can be sure about your feelings regardless you are able to show them or not given the circumstances.

When living with someone with borderline personality disorder, this way of manifesting your feelings will help your dear one regain his/her inner balance, and will also give a positive impulse to your relationship.

People who suffer from borderline personality are also known for their quick emotional shifts, from seeming calmness into anger episodes and manipulation. Some might see these as acts of selfishness or narcissism, but in reality they are desperate attempts for regaining validation, love, and understanding.

What you would like to do in such situation is, instead of giving in, to remain calm and collected, to restate your feelings and dismiss the negative behaviors of the person you care for on a calm and firm voice.

Using this strategy you'll not only remind your loved one that your feelings didn't change at all in spite of his/her conduct, but you will also give a negative feedback to the unwanted behaviors without being perceived as accusing.

If this will not work at the first time, don't worry and stick to it. This strategy speaks directly to the deepest needs of the borderline sufferer, so results should come up after not too long.

By the way, I have an eBook for you if you want to learn more about what you need to do when living with someone with borderline personality disorder. It is called "Surviving The Hellhole" and I want you to have it for free!

Living With Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder: http://www.theborderlinetreatment.com/living-with-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder/.

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

How to Survive a Divorce From Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Tip #1. Run! Don't be wishy washy a borderlines biggest fear is abandonment. If you decide to divorce them, do it hard and fast and never second guess the separation, never show weakness to them or that you may take them back. Get in the wind, and get away from their abuse.

Tip #2 if they are being nice, watch out. A Borderline is always nice when they are preparing to strike. Be careful if they are nice they are in a position of weakness and you are winning, stay focused on your divorce don't fall for their tricks.

Tip #3. Don't be alone with them, BPD's are well know for pressing false charges of sexual abuse. Never put yourself in a situation to be arrested for rape. Always assume the worst, sadly with a borderline personality the worst usually happens.

Tip #4. Be prepared to have your children brainwashed. Stay clam when your children tell you all the horrible things your borderline ex says about you. Just change the subject and don't say anything bad about your ex to your kids.

Tip #5. Use your attorney as much as you can afford. BPD's are pathological liars the more you can use your attorney to add a buffer, the better. They will get caught in their lies. Try to communicate via email rather than phone calls, this keeps things calm and forces them to put their lies in writing you can keep for proof.

Tip #6. Rules, rules, rules. Rules and structure is like kryptonite to a BPD. Be anal with the rules and don't bend to accommodate the BPD. If you have kids they will always have an excuse as to why they can't watch the child. Always take your child when they flake, keep a calendar, be nice and say "no problem". Never give them your parenting time in exchange. Show your child that the BPD is unreliable by their own actions. Be a rock for your child, remember they are forced to have the BPD in their life so be emphatic. They have it much worse than you do.

Tip #7. Don't be overrun. Probably just like when you were married the BPD will always have several 5 alarm fire going and they will try and bring you into the flames. Don't do it! I have found that the best method is to use email, many days, I will just let the inbox fill up for a few days then when I'm calm I read and respond with short answers like "no" when I have time. My BPD can send 20 emails in one day, if I played into her craziness I would go crazy myself.

If you really want to get away then find cheap flights to costa rica by going to this new website http://www.cheapflightstocostarica.net

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How To Help Someone With Depression, Suicidal Tendencies or Borderline Personality Disorder

Mental illness is a terrible malady. Many of us don't understand this disease and don't know how to handle it. We are frightened by it, somehow believing it may be contagious. Mental health hospitals and professionals also have a formidable challenge and there aren't any certain remedies. As a result many people with this illness die every year, from being misunderstood.

Borderline personality disorder is one of the worst forms of mental illness. People with this disorder attempt suicide often. It is a disease which normally occurs from being abused as a child. It is so dreadful that many family members abandon their loved ones who have [BPD], because it is extremely stressful on them. Although it is challenging, people can help victims of [BPD] if they understand this disease better.

There are many websites offering helpful information about this serious subject. Some suggest medications, where other websites state that the only real remedy is cognitive behavioral therapy (counseling). Love and family support is likely to be the best medicine. Below are some helpful tips about caring for a person with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Validation - Very important! Ask them questions about their problems and the very real pain they suffer.
Listen - When they need to talk, sit still and really be present for them.
Empathize - Express understanding and apply effort to helping them get relief from their misery.
Love - Tell them how much you love them and Jesus truly loves them, too!
Reassurance - Tell them you won't ever leave them or, "I'll always be here for you," and mean it.
Guilt - Tell them it isn't their fault and don't blame them for their illness.
Comfort - Continue to tell them everything will get better. Say it over and over!
Suicidal - Don't ever leave a person alone who is suicidal! Treat them as a baby and get a baby sitter if you have to go elsewhere. This is crucial!
Promises - Depressed people are hypersensitive and anxious. They can't stand having to wait or being lied to. Keep your word and always be truthful with them!
Friends - Contact their friends and alert them to the problem to design a circle of love.

While I hope this information is helpful, I realize the heavy burden you may be suffering and the many challenges you face. There are no easy answers - but nothing can take the place of love and understanding.

Dale Adams of Adams LLC is the author and self publisher of the new book, "Care Giving Made Easy - How to be an Awesome Caregiver" and the inventor of the Inspirational Walker Bag a walker bag with inspirational quotes for seniors and the, "Money Saving Calendar," a new information vehicle that informs consumers how to save and make money every month of the year. His many experiences include being a Security Consultant, General Contractor and Energy Conservation Specialist. To learn more valuable money saving information visit: [ http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1552819435 ]

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Divorcing Someone Who Suffers Borderline Personality Disorder

Some of the most emotionally abusive relationships and traumatic divorces involve the mentally ill. One of the most difficult of these mental illnesses is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) because it is not easily diagnosed. Behaviors can range from extreme violence to subtle patterns of emotional blackmail and projection. On top of that, many Borderlines tend to live in denial, constantly avoiding their own feelings of emptiness, insecurity, anger, disappointment and fear that more often than not stems from an abusive childhood. It is hard to treat and help someone if they don't want to face their own abuse - abuse that they themselves suffered or the abuse that they themselves do.

Classifying Borderlines as "Acting In" or "Acting Out"

Not all borderlines are focused on harming others. Some are so busy with their own inner demons that they are trapped in a realm of substance abuse, suicide attempts, and self-hate that for most can be traced back to child abuse or neglect. They are often known as the "acting in" type. If this is the kind of Borderline in your life, count yourself lucky. That's because they are both more likely to recognize their own problems and work on them and less likely to focus on destroying other people in a desperate attempt to portray themselves as worthy people who are victims in need of assistance.

The other group of Borderlines, sometimes called the "acting out" group, are narcissistic sociopaths with little sense of guilt or remorse. They often have little limit to what they will do to make themselves "win" and you "lose" and don't care who else they hurt in the process. If you have been in a relationship with a person suffering Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), be aware that much of what is written about "acting out" Borderlines applies equally to Narcissists.

Blaming and Projection

A relationship with someone who suffers from BPD can leave the one being abused feeling confused and hopeless as they are often blamed for all the problems in the relationships, even including things they didn't do. Often, such blaming for fictional behaviors is a form of projection used to distract from the Borderline doing the exact thing she or he is accusing the partner of doing. For instance, your Borderline significant other may be having affairs, but you can be sure you will be accused of having affairs (even if you have never had one) long before he or she will admit to one. You may find that many of your friends and family will have heard about your fictional affairs long before you even realize your significant other has been lying about you far and wide. When you try to explain what is really happening, many will refuse to believe the truth because they have heard so many lies about you they cannot imagine they are all false.

The Borderline's excessive tendency to project or transfer their own negative feelings, behaviors, or perceived negative traits onto others usually arises from their own feelings of self-hatred and self-criticism. In order to deny and escape the truth about their own private hell (usually rooted in an abusive childhood), they instead project their own feelings of self-hatred and inadequacy outside themselves onto others. This is why Borderlines will constantly criticize you, accuse you of saying or doing something you haven't done or said, and blame you for their problems and unhappiness.

Borderline projections can be very destructive and because most borderlines do not have healthy boundaries, situations can escalate and cause more unnecessary hurt and damage all the way to very serious false criminal allegations that can cost innocent people their jobs, children, and even their lives.

Divorce Can Intensify the Emotional Abuse

When you divorce someone who suffers from BPD, the emotional abuse does not necessarily end there. It can result in a high-conflict divorce costing you more than you bargained for, not just in terms of wasted money and time, but in very deep psychological wounds. The borderline ex is prone to litigate over everything and to refuse to cooperate with court orders, reasonable requests, and common sense. She or he will likely make even straightforward property settlement issues costly, dragging out the legal process by refusing or avoiding to comply with court decrees to return property, split retirement accounts, repay money owed, and more. He or she may manipulate others by crying poor, telling others that you have lots of money stashed away and have always been mean with money, when in reality they themselves have a much higher income and have more savings than you. Again, this kind of behavior is projection and also a way to humiliate and dominate you.

Another way Borderlines can mess with your mind and emotions is to try and suck you back into the marriage if it is the early stages of your divorce or separation. Be sure to set your limits and be prepared to stand your ground and stick to your boundaries. Borderline behavior will swing unpredictably, one week they may call and want to talk for hours, the next week they may block off any and all communication from you.

No doubt this will be very frustrating so it will be important that you have good legal representation - preferably an attorney who is familiar and understands what drives high-conflict divorces - and a supportive network of family and friends that you can trust. Most importantly, do your best to disengage from the situation. If you have tried every avenue to reasonably communicate with your Borderline and they continue to be unresponsive, do not persist by sending more communication thinking that they might not have received the others you sent. Otherwise the Borderline may distort the truth and accuse you of stalking and harassment.

To understand and find out more about emotionally abusive relationships and how to identify borderline traits, go to angiemedia.com.

Rob Washington is a frequent contributor to angiemedia.com's coverage on families, divorce, mental health, government, and social issues.

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Are You Living With Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder and Trying to Find Answers?

If you are Living with Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder it means that most probably you found this article because you were looking for answers for the difficulties and challenges in your relationship.

Before getting into the answers, there are a few things you need to know about this mental disorder. They will help you implement better the tips presented in the second part of this article.

Borderline personality is famous for its characteristic fear of abandonment. This fear stems from invalidating and abusive relationships with the parents in childhood or adolescence.

In the first years of life we humans rely on attention, love, and affection from our parents or caregivers. So when we get instead invalidating and offending behaviors, children tend to interpret these as signs of abandonment or punishment.

Consequently if such negative behaviors keep coming from the parents, the child will also tend to think that he/she is the cause of these parental attitudes. Moreover, in the subconscious will emerge central self-downing and self-deprecating beliefs, which will become eventually parts of one's personality if changes don't occur meanwhile.

Also, if these core attitudes are coupled with other similar ones, they will elicit symptoms and behaviors specific for borderline personality disorder.

This fear of abandonment can manifest not only as a simple fear, but also as a phobia or even horror.

So when living with someone with borderline personality disorder, the non partner could face a constant demand for love, affection, understanding, and reassurance.

Those behaviors and attitudes of the parents which lead to the abandonment fear in the child are usually coming unexpectedly, which will lead the child to think that abandonment can possibly come at any time, even when everything seemed to be ok one moment ago.

Therefore what you would like to do is to give your dear one the needed validation and love, and ALSO mention that your feelings will be the same even though you will not be able to show them for various reasons, like job or other daily responsibilities.

Stating these things this way will send the message that your dear person can be sure about your feelings regardless you are able to show them or not given the circumstances.

When living with someone with borderline personality disorder, this way of manifesting your feelings will help your dear one regain his/her inner balance, and will also give a positive impulse to your relationship.

People who suffer from borderline personality are also known for their quick emotional shifts, from seeming calmness into anger episodes and manipulation. Some might see these as acts of selfishness or narcissism, but in reality they are desperate attempts for regaining validation, love, and understanding.

What you would like to do in such situation is, instead of giving in, to remain calm and collected, to restate your feelings and dismiss the negative behaviors of the person you care for on a calm and firm voice.

Using this strategy you'll not only remind your loved one that your feelings didn't change at all in spite of his/her conduct, but you will also give a negative feedback to the unwanted behaviors without being perceived as accusing.

If this will not work at the first time, don't worry and stick to it. This strategy speaks directly to the deepest needs of the borderline sufferer, so results should come up after not too long.

By the way, I have an ebook for you if you want to learn more about what you need to do when living with someone with borderline personality disorder. It is called "Surviving The Hellhole" and I want you to have it for free!

Living With Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder: http://www.theborderlinetreatment.com/living-with-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder/.

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How to Survive a Divorce From Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Tip #1. Run! Don't be wishy washy a borderlines biggest fear is abandonment. If you decide to divorce them, do it hard and fast and never second guess the separation, never show weakness to them or that you may take them back. Get in the wind, and get away from their abuse.

Tip #2 if they are being nice, watch out. A Borderline is always nice when they are preparing to strike. Be careful if they are nice they are in a position of weakness and you are winning, stay focused on your divorce don't fall for their tricks.

Tip #3. Don't be alone with them, BPD's are well know for pressing false charges of sexual abuse. Never put yourself in a situation to be arrested for rape. Always assume the worst, sadly with a borderline personality the worst usually happens.

Tip #4. Be prepared to have your children brainwashed. Stay clam when your children tell you all the horrible things your borderline ex says about you. Just change the subject and don't say anything bad about your ex to your kids.

Tip #5. Use your attorney as much as you can afford. BPD's are pathological liars the more you can use your attorney to add a buffer, the better. They will get caught in their lies. Try to communicate via email rather than phone calls, this keeps things calm and forces them to put their lies in writing you can keep for proof.

Tip #6. Rules, rules, rules. Rules and structure is like kryptonite to a BPD. Be anal with the rules and don't bend to accommodate the BPD. If you have kids they will always have an excuse as to why they can't watch the child. Always take your child when they flake, keep a calendar, be nice and say "no problem". Never give them your parenting time in exchange. Show your child that the BPD is unreliable by their own actions. Be a rock for your child, remember they are forced to have the BPD in their life so be emphatic. They have it much worse than you do.

Tip #7. Don't be overrun. Probably just like when you were married the BPD will always have several 5 alarm fire going and they will try and bring you into the flames. Don't do it! I have found that the best method is to use email, many days, I will just let the inbox fill up for a few days then when I'm calm I read and respond with short answers like "no" when I have time. My BPD can send 20 emails in one day, if I played into her craziness I would go crazy myself.

If you really want to get away then find cheap flights to costa rica by going to this new website http://www.cheapflightstocostarica.net

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